This little profound statement takes some explaining. It is often the feeling of loss and emptiness that family members have once the addict reaches treatment, begins to change and the people in the relationship start a needed new way of relating to each other. In the case of the family member being a spouse, it may have involved some heavy-duty care-taking and controlling of the addict and this role, no longer desired in recovery, sometimes leaves the spouse feeling unemployed or pink-slipped. The addict is struggling for self-reliance and confidence and the spouse needs to support them in no longer being the addicts answer to life. It can feel depressing and disorienting to the spouse who has wished for a partner, but now struggles with words and feelings on just how to not be the one with all the answers. In the case of parents and an adult child in recovery, the same feelings occur. Just how do you come to grips that your parenting days are over, even though you remain the parent? Just how do you now develop an adult-to-adult relationship with your child. Most mothers, especially, dislike this true statement: Mothers are not for leaning on, they are to make leaning unnecessary. Ouch! My response to this daily pondering is that we are not roles, but we are individuals. Roles change but relating as individuals is part of the richness of recovery for everyone.
Regards,
Nan Reynolds
About Me
- Nan
- Nan Reynolds has been involved with families who love an addict for over 28 years. She has degrees in nursing, addiction studies and social work. She holds a LMSW and a Certified Addiction Counselor from Michigan. Working at Brighton Hospital, she developed and supervised their Family and Friends program for two decades. Her most enlightening training, however, occurred in her personal family. As she says: "Take my advice, I am not using it." Nan is telling "Chuckie," who represents the addiction that has moved into the home, to "hit the road and be gone!
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