"I CANNOT SAVE YOU FROM YOUR DARKNESS, BUT I SHALL NOT CLOSE YOU OUT OF MY HEART."
This is a line from "THE YA YA SISTERHOOD". The oldest and responsible daughter of that Southern family with the charming and brutal alcoholic mother came to this realization after she returned home as an adult. She was attending a family reunion after many years away and she saw that not much had changed in the family dynamics. She had always tried to cheer up her father, stop her mother from drinking or being upset, rescue her siblings. It did not work. She had left home angry and bitter.
As she returned North to her adult life, the thought for today was also her thought on the road. It is a bittersweet reality. On one hand, it is grievous to know you really cannot change someone else and, on the other hand,it is a great relief.
So often, we use anger to separate us from what upsets us. How profound that she was able to see that she could still fully act loving with her family. She realized that allowing the soft feeling toward others does not mean you are going to jump into the ring with them. It is the great lesson of 12 step programs and they call it Loving Detachment. Detachment does not mean abandonment.
About Me
- Nan
- Nan Reynolds has been involved with families who love an addict for over 28 years. She has degrees in nursing, addiction studies and social work. She holds a LMSW and a Certified Addiction Counselor from Michigan. Working at Brighton Hospital, she developed and supervised their Family and Friends program for two decades. Her most enlightening training, however, occurred in her personal family. As she says: "Take my advice, I am not using it." Nan is telling "Chuckie," who represents the addiction that has moved into the home, to "hit the road and be gone!
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