Monday, August 4, 2008


I suggest that everyone who loves an addict start carrying around a Q-tip in purse or pocket. This is to remind you that you need to "Quit Taking It Personally".
Of course, it feels very personal. The truth, however, is that none of the behaviors or actions or words or disappointments or unloving moments in the relationship with the addict are a reflection of you or your worth as a person. Addiction of someone else is not about you. It never has been, is not, and never will be. This is true regardless of the nature of the relationship. You are off the hook!
Whether you are a child, a spouse, a sibling, a friend or a parent, you need to be clear in the knowledge that you are not the problem and did not cause the problem. It is only when we think that we are and then we try to help that we run the risk of then becoming a part of the problem. Later on that became called enabling.
Surely, when we annoy others and hurt them and fail them we are are less than perfect in our humanness. This is still not the reason that addiction develops. The addict sees chemicals as a solution and has little thought or knowledge that their solution shall become a problem. Addiction has a life of its own.
I guess this is the good/bad news for families and friends. Because if it has nothing to do with us, then we also face the reality that there is nothing we can change that will fix the addict. We then face our feelings of powerlessness.